Other Medicines: Ketamine

A Descent Into Dissociation and the Light That Followed

Ketamine is being talked about everywhere right now—from Elon Musk and Friends star Matthew LeBlanc to the Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. So I thought I’d dedicate this installment of Other Medicines to my own brief and sobering encounters with it.

Huge disclaimer: Nothing in this essay is intended as medical advice. I have no experience with Ketamine in a clinical or therapeutic setting. I’m simply sharing my personal experiences in the context of a broader exploration of unconventional healing tools.

Some of the medicines I’ve explored have unearthed buried trauma. Some have shown me visions of my soul’s purpose. Others have said, quite clearly: This is not for you.

Ketamine fell into that last category.

And yet… it gave me something. A painful, clarifying gift. It confirmed a lesson I had first received in the spirit world of psilocybin—and now needed to learn in the real world.

As I’ve mentioned before, I spent some time in the swinger world. In last week’s post, I talked about MDMA—a popular choice at parties for deepening connection. Ketamine was also circulating, often snorted in tiny amounts. I remember being encouraged to try a very small dose—less than what you'd see with cocaine, which was also present.

What I felt was detachment. Not elevation. Not presence. I wasn’t in some other realm—I just wasn’t here. I didn’t care what was happening. I wasn’t afraid. I wasn’t joyful. I was numb.

Looking back, the viral images of Musk with his eyes rolling back make total sense.

Ketamine in a party setting can be dangerous. While under its influence, I probably wouldn’t have said no to anything. I was too dissociated to care.

And yet, I witnessed a friend once weep deeply while on Ketamine—reliving trauma, purging something heavy. A few of us sat with him as he sobbed, held him, reassured him. He emerged grateful. Lighter. I wondered what might have happened if he’d been alone.

I only tried Ketamine a handful of times. The last was unforgettable—and something I never want to repeat.

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💫 This next section is behind the paywall for paid subscribers. It contains a deeply personal account of one of the most terrifying and formative moments of my journey. Before continuing, please read the following harm reduction note:

⚠️ Harm Reduction Note:
This story includes a non-consensual experience with misidentified substances. If you choose to explore altered states, always test your substances, stay with people you trust, and know your source. These are powerful medicines—not party tricks. Stay safe, stay sovereign.

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